Wednesday, February 28, 2007

My Grandfather passed away earlier this week, please pray that God would be there for the comfort needs of our family.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on that sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Dylan Thomas

Saturday, February 24, 2007

yet another day ticks by...

I dont know how much longer i can stand being on this one day cycle. everyday is monday, groundhogs day...I am just looking for a little adventure to fall into my lap and maybe provide a little excitement.
Things here are pretty much the same. miss you all

Thursday, February 22, 2007

The IQ test...

You know what i learned about the IQ test...The us military started testing iq for entrance exams during WWII. I took another iq test to check the results on the last one i did earlier this year, and i found that the results were the exact same. I have a 135 IQ confirmed by two different mensa approved tests. I thought that it was cool, and thought that i would share it with all of you.
Kinda busy round here, dont be suprised if i dont post for a while.

Friday, February 16, 2007

When i find myself in Times of Trouble.

Five miles outside of vegas when we broke down,
threw my keys inside the window and we never looked back.
Got all drunk and sloppy on a Greyhound bus,
we passed out all them loosers they were laughing at us.
I will never let them break your heart.
No i will never let them break me.
we got lost in phoenix seemed like such a long time,
seven months of living sweaty on those thin white lines.
did some time for selling acid to the wrong guy.
life just keeps on getting smaller and we never as why,
why there is no perfect place yes i know this is true,
im just learning how to smile and thats not easy to do.
i know there will come a day when we can leave and just go running away
we was broke outside of LA when the storms came.
i was working in New Jersey had to run in the rain,
we was happy talking dirty at that phone sex place.
life just keeps on getting better for us everyday.
you say there is no perfect place,
i say i know this is true.
we're just learning how to smile, and thats not easy to do
we both live for the day when we can run away
oh baby we can run away.
we can leave it all behind like we do everytime.
we both live for the day when we can run away.
no i will never let them break your heart.
no i will never let it break me.
five miles outside of vegas five years down the line.
we got married in the desert in the sunshine.
i can handle all the hell it happens everyday,
when you smile and touch my face
you make it all just go away.
yes i know there is no bigger pond,
i know theres never air.
we are just learning how to fall and climb back up again.
i know there's nothing perfect, i know there's nothing to loose
we are just learning how to live together me and you.
you know i live for the day when we you say baby lets just run away.
yes we can leave this place and run away.

its been a tough couple of weeks. Sometimes i feel myself being antisocial and finding solace in my ipod. its amazing to me how much of an impact music is in the life of humans. Music is affected by the social atmosphere, and the social atmosphere is affected by music. a symbiotic relationship that is so important. I know that my posts have seemed a little dark lately, but i have been hurting emotionally lately. I m just learning how to fall and climb back up again. It is difficult to loose a friend. its strange how it impacts you in so many different ways.
somtimes i sit back and i really wonder "what are we doing here?"
It always makes me think of a story from my first tour in iraq. We had been working a tough week in August. The Brigade commander had driven up to the Balad bridge for some reason, and he decided that the Hesco Bastions that were emplaced for force protection purposes were not pretty enough and wanted them replaced with concrete barriers. This meant that Support Platoon would have the wonderful task of doing the actual work. 18 hour days in 140 degree weather is not pretty. on the third day of barrier emplacement, we had been out for 14 hours in full battle rattle, sweating our asses off, when i lost it. I couldnt do it any more. I sat down on a jersey barrier to take a little break and drink some hot water (i had no other options).
There is something universal about the spirit of a child. they will do anything to make a few dollars, and usually this means a lemonade stand. At the Balad Bridge there was a small "haji" mart, a lemonade stand of sorts. The little kids at the bridge would sell dvds, sodas, and other small trinkets to passing convoys all day long. for the whole week that we were working at the bridge, these kids were trying to sell stuff to us all day. Well, this particular day i was fed up. the heat had gotten to me, the work had gotten to me, and I was just overwhelmed.
I sat down on the barrier and was taking a break. one of the kids just sat down next to me, and I expected to have him ask me for money or try to sell me some piece of crap made in china. I was about to tell him to buzz off, when he said, "thank you." I was stunned into silence. Thank god i was unable to speak, because it gave this young man a chance to continue speaking. "Thank you for coming here and removing Sadaam Hussein. My whole family loves America. My village loves Americans. Sadaam Hussein was a Bad man. Now that he is gone my family has hope for a better life." This hit me like a train wreck. Here i was just about to tell this kid to beat it, and He was an angel that just communicated a message to me from God. Stay the course. Finish what you have started. When I was ready to quit, when i had lost all hope, when I was down in the dumps, this kid reached out and communicated a message of hope for me. Every time i think about that story, it gives me the energy to finish what i have started. That day at the bridge every sacrifice that i, and my comrades in arms, had made was worth the blood, sweat, toil, and tears. We made a difference in that one child's life.

As The debate over this war continues, Just keep in mind that we made a difference. Regardless of what is being said on the television, in the halls of congress, and in the fierce protests against this war-Know that we made a difference in one child's life, and we gave his entire family the hope for a brighter future.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

The wonderful beauty of balance.

I think that its kind of funny that we live in a world today where there is a pill for everything. Sad? Here have some happy pills! Angry? theres a pill for that, too! and need i mention Bob Dole???
We have stopped asking questions and just started throwing chemicals at the problem hoping to find an answer. When to we hit the point where there will not be a solution to the ever growing problem in america. we do not take time out of our incredibly busy lives to take interest in another human being. the nuclear family melted down somewhere in the sixties, and since then divorce is more common than marriage, depression is at an all time high, interest in other people is in the tank, and we wonder what is wrong with america.
When was the last time you did something for your neighbor? Who was the last person you gave a helping hand to? How can you better your own community?
these are the questions we need to ask ourselves, but they are not the ones we are asking. the more common questions involve a nice tall fence between us and our neighbor, the war on terror, and whether or not you have liquids in your carryons. What happened to america?
When will we get the picture, and will it be too late?

Saturday, February 10, 2007

The little engine that could...

sometimes a children's story is all that you really need to find direction in your adult life. No matter what was happening around that little engine, he just kept trucking on down the tracks. Sometimes you just have to picture the finishline, no matter how far away it is, and set your focus on the pomp and circumstance that surrounds the finish and let that be the driving force.
SMSGT Duncan told me that i would never amount to anything-whether he said that with sincerity, or said it to be the catylist for change, it challenged me. Tell me i can't do something and i will find every possible way to get that something done.
Today i recieved a coin from a full bird COL. He said that initiative, dedication, and performance were attributes that he looks for in every soldier. If the army was full of soldiers like me the world would be a better place. The little engine that could.
To the naysayers in my midst, I say Can and Will!

NMMI look at me now!

though sad...I am still trucking on down the tracks...

Thursday, February 08, 2007

When good news doesnt arrive...

have you ever had one of those weeks where it seems like the good news will never come? that has been my week...we had a memorial service at the beginning of the week, and i was extremely difficult to try and do such for someone at such a young age. The good die young? all i know is I do not want to attend another funeral in my life. i hurts too much. ive been very quiet lately. nothing to say really. I have lost interest in a lot of activities. I started taking my medication again and started journaling. writing down the stuff that i cant put here. the stuff that scares even me. i miss being home.
sometimes i wish that i never joined the army. it would have saved me a lot of heartache. now i find myself in a position where i would rather volunteer to put myself in those gruesome situations to protect someone else from losing their innosence. I am already messed up, why should someone else suffer, when i already do.